Titles.

I did a little adjustment. I added appropriate and apt titles for each and every entry I've posted up so far. I think it's a committment. People and friends might not get the titles at all; what it meant and why but they didn't have to. Memories, of the past are things that prompted the titles. If you guys really wanna know, I'm not dead so please, feel free to ask. And I'll try to be patient.

Sometimes you do things, things you regret 12 minutes later. And when that happens, your head hurts and cursing became a relatively natural course of action. I have these feelings for a particular person, a girl person and this particular person, let's just call her Person.

So I met said person, almost 10 months ago and I can't, for the life of me, remember how but we did anyway. She wasn't the person I thought she would be. For starters, I didn't think I'll befriend someone who lives a zillion million miles away from Singapore. Person's so committed and driven it made Santa Claus blush redder than his coat. And she's like nobody I've ever met and it could have been the language barrier or it could have been the raw and usually bloody truth OR it could be what I wanted it to be even when it's hardly so. I love her, I think. Like a friend, like true family. And there is nothing I wouldn't do for her.

She made me the happiest person on Earth with just words, that may or may not come true while sometimes what she does, usually unintentionally gave me the VIP card and infinite vistation rights to Hell. I can't know if I like it or I don't. It's always a blurry water color, abstract with her. At times you thought you know what you are looking at, but most times, you don't see what your heart wants you to see. You chose denial, you choose trashing about it to a poor stranger 4 in the morning who didn't have any obligation to listen to you. You get upset or sad or something when Person talks about a particular someone who's not you. You blame yourself countless times for being childish but you do the same thing over and over again. Words hurt, words encourage, words bring people down and words replay like a bad song in your head. I hated the person I've become. I didn't know this side of me before and I'm putting my rational foot down and says this part of Ash is no good at all. I'll change, as hard as it is...and having this blog thing is not helping either.