It's frightening to see fatigue and frustration evolving into temporary elation, dread and helplessness in matter of hours. And also frightening on the count that it's me who's going through the shit every fucking day.
Every day at work, I'm trying to do something different and slower so I could at least catch a glimpse of time crawling by. I'm not usually like this, at work or in school. I'm always almost eager to wanna do something. But working for 12 fucking hours, 6 days a week, can and has taken its fucking toil. I am just so tired and so pressed for personal time and privacy that I'm not looking forward to anything but sleep and I'm not even getting any!! I wanna get out of this cycle where I curse and complain and wanting my own personal time to stop so I'll live it over and over again. I'm simply not spending time wisely or at least the way I would have wanted it spent. I want the three weeks to go. The relevation 'living is sounding like hard work' is sinking in and weighing me down.
I'm depressed everyday. I wore the same clothes and I've prematurely outworn my new shoes which have been a personal favorite since its collection a few months ago. And I'm eating dinner 9 every night. That is just unhealthy. And I have to prioritize stuff I didn't have to a month ago. Plus there are those weird guys with their smiles and attention, one of them being my colleague. I'm just so glad we're not of the same shift so far. But he got me into thinking about PDA cell phones because they are just such versatile and wonderful things. I'm really digging the Microsoft Word application and the huge screen for my videos and if I could get Internet connection running with a 3G sim card, I'll have MSN on the go!! How awesome is that? This guy could get the phones at relatively low price...he just got one for his daughter today...but we'll see.
For people who knew me, and know that I'm working 2 jobs, probably figured it out. Oh yeah, another tattoo to my collection. Girl has got to feed her passion somehow. Right now, I'm just waiting for The call to tell me that the draft is done and if I'm happy with it, we could get on with it. It's like the first time. It is not the wisest way to be spending money, even I could tell you that but it's not everyday that you could fulfill a want. My passion for tattoos brought with it problems. To feed it, I have to keep a job for a steady income and that's what I'm trying to do now, juggling 2 jobs. I pray they would take me in even after they don't need extra helpers for the sale anymore. Fingers crossed. And school is going to be such a bitch. Just to add on, I can't wait to leave that other job. I know I've said it and cursed it a thousand times since I got it a week ago but that's only because it's true. I'll stop if it's not. The people there are generally nice, so that's a good thing. Huh.
I'm trying to get back on writing but I've got zero juice. I don't have a specific way to write, to start and to end. I just knew I wanted it good. Once in a while, a potentially great and worthy scenerio would pop in my head, and I'll kill if I could just happen to find stationery and large spaces on white papers, preferrably with lines lying around and that I have time. My colleague suggested I bring the laptop to work so I don't have update my blog on a damn piece of recycled paper and then copy it when I get home. It would have been super cool if I'm allowed and a great Internet connection running.
Avril Lavigne - Innocence, When You're Gone
James Morrison - One Last Chance, Pieces Don't Fit Anymore
Michelle Branch - Goodbye to You
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