Tabula Rasa, Tabula Rasa, Tabula Rasa. And It's For Real This Time.

I have a couple hours left. I am starting work for this security company starting tomorrow at 8am. Although technically, my day would start 5.30am every single morning for the next month. I'm never one to look forward to working, especially 12 hours of work, non-stop and alone. I don't know what I'll be looking at at work tomorrow. It could be a slack gig, like what the guy who interviewed me said, almost dismissively or it could be a challenging, time-fulfilled one. All I asked for is money and satisfaction and I'll bail. I know it's a lot to ask for but it's how anything starts for me, at least the satisfaction and the bailing part. Right now, I could use a little pick-me-up as Tara once told me.

She was just overwhelmed with fatigue from school stuff when she came home one day and without a word, she sat me down and looked into my eyes with hers, both hands on either side of my shoulders. I was getting antsy by the second but I kept my eyes with hers because I believe she's trying to tell me something. She just couldn't do it just yet. And then she spoke. "Baby, I think I need a little pick-me-up. " All I could say then was 'Huh, ok. What can I do?" "You're doing it." And then she smiled the brightest smile you wouldn't ask as much from someone who had just been slogging her guts over a dumb project and making home from a dull meeting at the school prefectorial board. I swore to God I fell in love with her all over again. "You're my pick-me-up, darling, all I need."

So right this minute, I too, demanded a pick-me-up. I wanna Want to go work, I wanna Want to be able to wanna do something like checking the building's temperature which strangely enough, is part of my job scope. I wanna Want to feel that I'm underpaid, which really I still think I am, because I've tried my best and done everything the way I could possibly manage. And then get ready for school. Tara's not here anymore so I'll be my own pick-me-up.

I'm sure I'll be updating my blog more often unless work is really just a slack gig and it's main agenda's to aggravate my already irreversible sleep deprivation problem.

Keep swinging by, people