Last evening before I turned in, I asked myself a question, one I obviously did not get an answer. But I might just be writing up a story about it.

So the plot or rather the crazy bits and pieces in my head goes: Alexandria Kaede, a schizophrenic chef in her early 20s was diagnosed with mild depression a year after her fiancee, Adrianna Gallagher was shot by a mugger in Central Park, New York. She refused to give up her wedding ring and amidst the struggling, she was fatally wounded in the heart. It was apparent Alex's grasping and trying very hard to come to terms with Adrianna's death when her mother realized that she has stopped medication for her schizophrenia. She was so caught up in her grief that she couldn't go to work or get out of the house. Alexandria begun having severe hallucinations. She believed Adrianna has came back to her and that everything was normal and couldn't be better. The wedding will go on as planned, if only the caterers and flower people would just listen to her, the adoption documents would pass and their new home by the beach will be ready by the end of summer. As far as her mother and friends are concerned, Alexandria's terribly disturbed and in danger. So her mother had no choice but to spike her drink with her medication (apparently the duo was doing cake and champagne tastings). Alexandria regained herself and she broke down. It was the first time she allowed any display of emotions since Ad's funeral. She decided to go for a trip while her mother cancelled all wedding preparations on her behalf. Alexandria told her mother that she will return the daughter she knew and the woman Adrianna loved. She didn't exactly know where she was going but she knew it was a trip to heal and to forget and move on. She knew she had to continue her medication and re-ignite her passion for cooking. That would be what Adrianna would have wanted.

Weeks passed and Alexandria found herself in Miami, Florida where she has gotten her first tattoo. It was Adrianna's middle name and Alexandria has always loved it and nobody calls Adrianna by her middle name 'cept her so it was very special. She begun seeking solace in tattoos and taking long walks. On one of her long walks by the beach, she lost her medication. And whenever she stops her medication, Adrianna returns to her. Alexandria is caught between choosing reality and her only love. Apart from the fact that she sees her lover and feels her, Alexandria is pretty much ok. She could still cook, if not better. She sees things, beautiful things and colors. And so for a while, she stopped medication for good, just so Adrianna would continue to be at her side. She met a freelance English photographer, Victoria McLaren when she brought Adrianna along for one of her usual long walks. Tori was simply stunned at how beautiful Alexandria is, when she would lift her head and look into space with her lips slightly open or the way she would smile, the michevious glint in her blue eyes. She was completely mesmerized. (Tori'll come to realize that Alexandria was not looking into space but at Adrianna, a figment of her imagination) She thought Alexandria to be the perfect subject for her exhibition and she followed her. Victoria never knew love, growing up in an abusive family and living on food coupons until her father died and she's adopted by a family she never knew and understood. She wants to capture love and true human emotions with her camera. Victoria was drifting from one relationship to the next, from one stranger to another. As Victoria learns and realizes the source of Alexandria's love and inner struggles, she found herself falling in love with the mysterious woman and what she could give and offer. Victoria too, has to choose between convincing Alexandria to continue on her medication or to keep that innocent, in-love side of Alexandria, the woman she has fallen in love with.

How does one tell reality from what's not? How does one choose to live in a painful and cold world? That was my question. Do not worry, I'm hardly schizophrenic. The question came to me after I've watched Dirt, starring Courtney Cox and Ian Hart. Ian's character, Don's schizophrenic and he went off his medication after his only partner, Tristan, i think the name was, died of cancer. It was a cat but it was all he had and he begun having this really cool hallucination that helped ease any grief and loneliness that was devoring him. Eventually he went back to his medication and he woke up the next morning to find a box/litter of kitties just outside his door. He found love and company again. I'm probably driven mad but I don't really care. I don't know what else to do anymore but think and write.