It must be Tuesday.

I am not sure if I'm any good, when I wake in the mornin'. It was Tuesday and I liked the ring of it. It meant I could get myself half-drunk, just screwed up enough to be not here and I didn't even have to pay for it. Right this moment I am sowing what I've exactly reaped. It's midnight and I should be sleeping now but I am still feeling a lil' on the high side. I'm not going to be doing this anymore; it was already the last tutorial and so yeah, no more free wine for the 22 year old kid no more. I am no alcoholic, so no big. Light, maybe, light.

It has been a hard morning to wake up to. For some reasons, I wanted to cry my heart out and then, be hitting a guy or anyone, no one in particular right in their faces so bad that I wouldn't even know why. It was hard to grip, I couldn't do neither. I am impossible to grip. I don't know how many fucking times I've said this and if I'm even exhausted. I miss her like crazy, I wanted to hold her so bad, to kiss her so hard that I could die. That I wish I died. And I'm only just recovering from a drunken stupor one way or another. I wish I could lose this feeling. This feeling of loss, of having lost, of being lost. Constantly. It's scary and frustrating, when you are just standing on your own there and emotions surged right through your every fibre and you don't know what to do about it.

You wake up every mornin', first thing you wanna do is to put your fist through the bathroom mirror and you wanna put your heavy head back down in your bloodied hands and pretend nothing has happened. If you could hear my voice, you could tell just how much I wanted to die but not literally, just a voice that yelled 'i've had enough'. I wouldn't die even if I kill myself. It's a silly thought to even be contemplating.

It's another morning, and I still wanna cry but it's like you're so ready to jump, off a building but you can't move and time is still moving forward and it's fucking irritating, if one must insist. It's just like a screencap, a particular scene stuck in time and motion, just remembering it all and never gettin' out of it.

If I could take you awayPretend I was queenWhat would you sayWould you think I'm unreal'Cause everybody's got their way I should feelEverybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your loveBut I want, want, want to be your loveWant to be your love, for realEverybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your loveBut I want, want, want to be your loveWant to be your love for realWant to be your everythingEverything...Everything's falling, and I am included in thatOh, how I try to be just okayYeah, but all I ever really wantedWas a little piece of youAnd everybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your loveBut I want, want, want to be your loveWant to be your love, for realEverybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your loveBut I want, want, want to be your loveWant to be your love for realEverything will be alrightIf you just stay the nightPlease, sir, don't you walk away, don't you walk away, don't you walk awayPlease, sir, don't you walk away, don't you walk away, don't you walk awayAnd everybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your loveBut I want, want, want to be your loveWant to be your love, for realEverybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your loveBut I want, want, want to be your loveWant to be your love for realAnd everybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your loveBut I want, want, want to be your loveWant to be your love, for realEverybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your loveBut I want, want, want to be your loveWant to be your love for realI want to be your love, love, love