I've been writing, seemingly ridiculous entries these past weeks and I'm sure I will eventually come back and delete them in time to come. But that time's not now, I guess. I'm keeping 'em, people, but who the fuck really cares anyway?

I've been making plans all my life, hoping I'll have to do something about them, like school for instance. I am quite delirious now as I'm writing this so please, pardon me. My mom and I were having this conversation about nothing at all and I told her I wanted to get a motorcycle license and of course, she wouldn't let me. She said no one in our family has ever done it and so I should conform to that fucking tradition. I was so totally rolling my eyes and shaking my poor head and I told her, ''there is no fucking way in this fucking world that I would ever fucking do what others did just so I could be the same." We've been at it for ages now and I really didn't wanna talk about it anymore. Of course I shut up and walked away really really pissed, it wasn't even about the motorcycle license anymore when the conversation ended but about who I am. My mom and family would never take me for who I am. I can't even say more about that. All these while, I knew I've not accepted it, the fact that I am given the death sentence because I'm different. I was really angry, still am maybe but I can't show it to no one.

I am not feeling so well and I wanted to study for my tests but I couldn't concentrate. I just feel like running away, really fast in a direction I can't tell. I wanna jump in joy about something that isn't even happy and I wanna scream so loud I would go deaf. And if I had my acoustic guitar with me, I would be staring at what little debris and wood it would be rendered at the floor right about now. I'm not sure the source of my energy. I feel faint-y, I am extremely bored and I still wanna break something (been thinking about it all day...)

I wanna be everyone for everyone. I wanna be there in the nick of time, to save someone, a friend, perhaps. But I can never save myself. I refused so.