I'm envious, all what I can't have, because it's just the way it is. I'm watching the Oscars now and I'm like, 'how come I'm not part of that?' I wanted to be a screenwriter, to be the gal to write a film so people can fork out a few bucks and 2 hours of their time to see what I can tell them. I've always like that but I'm sure I can't deal with it all...the money, the temptation to forget your primary goals and the women...yes, never forget the women. Assuming I'm at the same time, hot.

I like the glamorous to life, I believe, how surreal it can be sometimes. How fake, everyone's faces...and in their eyes. Hollywood, baby. But even if I were there, I could just be the screwed up asshole by the roadside too, and nobody can tell, really. I might not be able to speak English, for all I know. Maybe I'm happy here, right where I am, where I can be or cannot be.

I have always written and I always had trouble because everything is going on in my head. It played out, with sound and unsound conversations, rational and irrational sex, and nobody ever smokes in my head. They always had other kinds of addictions and nope, smoke is not one of them, kid. I wanna write and see it panned out on screen, or on the stage, whatever. I wanna see real people bringing their own interpretations and personalities through my writings and direction, talking and smiling and cursing and fucking. I'm already seeing the whole R-21 all over it but really who the hell cares? It's all I want...It's what I want.