I have been telling myself that I should let whatever that has happened happen, that I will not try to fix anything or make anything work or convince anyone to talk to me again. And so it is done.

I am leaving their lives now, which I am quite sure pleases them immensely. Who was I in their lives I used to wanna know, I used to wanna measure with a pinch of salt but is now something I do not mind. I love them both and I'll always will, until I can't love, until I die, though they will never know.

I have to now learn to love myself, because no one would be able to like I do. To give myself as much attention and affection, to boldly do things I would never otherwise have done. It's not an easy task. I've spent my life pouring my heart out for someone else and I have always ended up feeling short-changed because no one would be able to match up to what I've given without question. The only one who did that is now dead and as much as I still love her, she can't love me anymore. She can't care for me and give me what I need. So I have to be the one who gives myself it, whatever it actually is.

I have to also quit being so emotional and sensitive, about someone else. I have to capture the moment of rationality and keep it. Some people are just not worth it. This is change, on a molecular basis. It's not just like a sun burnt. It's more like a change in the way I sense and react to everything and everyone. It is about what and who I would eventually attract into my life and in good faith. So I guess, we'll see if I'll do better.