Letters, Strings and All IV

So here, Letter No. 4.

Dear Love,

You would think I ought to be stronger than all this. That I could get on with life. It could be fun. It could still become something that I want. But no. YOU're all I want. Do you even understand the extent and gravity I want you? Do you know the kind of emotions that you have invoked in me, such raw and animalistic emotions that had lay dormant for the last years? I am like a bursting flame, and you, my oxygen and catalyst, my every reason. I feel I could take the whole world down. I could fly, I could do whatever the fuck I want. I could take Donnie down, with just a finger. But I lost that. All of it, when you're all slipped out. When I pushed you away.

I sneaked up behind you last night. Or at least I tried. I don't do very good with works like this, not with the stealth. You didn't see me at all but I saw you all right. That face, that has embedded so deeply in my brain...that forlorn expression you wore, head down. I thought you looked skinnier and my heart hurts at the sight. I wanted to rush towards you, to take you back in. To just walk right up, to hell with principles and what's right, to look into your eyes, just one more time. But it's not time yet. It's not even about me or what I would do or say. It's about you. It's about your life. Do you wanna do it well, or do you wanna fuck it up, like your mom and everyone else think you would? I'm sorry that they couldn't see you shine, like I do every night. They never had that honor and pleasure. They could not change the color of their eyes. But you can. You can change yourself for the better. I've seen you at your best. So forgive me, love. This hurts just as much for me, if not more.

liebe Ich Sie immer und mein Herz gehört nur Ihnen und sonst niemandem

Liebe,
Liesl

25 März 2002