"Fortune Favors The Brave"

I was so depressed I killed Patience
Stuck in a place I rarely got out of
Stuck in a vicious cycle that is myself and the world
I held on to my end of the bargain but it wasn't enough
No, it was never enough
I did what I did. Faith, Love and honesty but each time I fell harder than before
Why, I'd ask but no answer. No Light
I'm just back to square one but I'm not back

I just wanna be Ash again. Me. Human.
We should have been forever, girl
We were inseparable
But God, HE was so jealous
HE had to personally write my end
Tore me slowly apart, and forget to put me back
So I'm off the beaten path
Just waiting for hell
Till then, denial.

Where are you now?
Are you well and free, even better when you were with me?
I sure as hell wish you were, lover
Is it all light fluffy clouds and heavy golden harps with a bird eye's view of your past, my present?
I wish you'd smile.

Well, I've not been updating like a good girl for a couple of days now. I could start with my glorious health condition. It's a little complicated, I'm no doctor so let's see if I could make it easier. The doctor said it has been a viral infection when I was really really little, like when I was 7 or something. And it wasn't dealt with but if it did, it has been a terribly slow process. My immune system is currently under siege so the doctor hooked me up on vitamins and chinese herbs and stuff to build up my immune system again. It's the only way to fight viruses so we'll see. And also she told me i have to get myself back on the right track before I turn 25 because then, it would be very difficult to get my health back. And it's 4 Novembers from now. She also suggested massaging certain acupoints of my body so I could breathe a little easier. I could sleep better, I could concentrate better and not be under the impression that I suffer ADD and whatnots. But I wasn't really doing the massages so like I said, we'll see.

I'm left with a week at work and that made me really happy. It meant a sort of victory and perserverance for me although I was just full of crap and shit when I get home, complaining about virtually everything. The 2nd job dropped me so I'm not very happy about that. I need to look for another really really extremely flexible part time job to fit into my school schedule. And I don't know what I'm looking for, for someone who needs so much of rest and personal time for things to sink, it's just best not to work. At All. But I can't, I don't think. These days at work, I try to write, bits and pieces of lines here and there on little pieces of rough paper. I wish I could play the guitar or something so I could put these lines to good use, like write them into songs.

I'm thinking of getting a new mp3 player when I can. The one that I have now, well, it'd be made to work a little bit harder. A friend of mine has gotten herself attached to an old acquaintance she coincidently bumped into a month ago. I think she referred to her as a stepping stone. Hmm, a very cruel but real phrase to use and rather apt, 'stepping stone'. I could never just get a 'stepping stone' although, truth be told, I wouldn't mind not being single now. But no thank you.