why does everyone says 'i'm sorry' when she died
why does everyone suddenly put on the sympathetic mask on their faces
you didn't put a knife through my heart and pull it out,
he did
whoever he might be, the kind of life he leads
but at least i knew the car he drove and that he drinks

i don't need apologies, i don't need sympathy, i just need an listening ear sometimes
so i could speak
so i could forget
so i could move on and forward
into whatever that is good for me
into whatever that is worthy
would you do that for me?

answer me anyway
no, or yes
don't make me wait
i've spent too much time waiting for something that would never come
i've spent too much time thinking about what could have been and what must
it's perfectly fine if you said no
i would work with that.
but don't, please, don't leave me alone again.

all my life, i've remained the exciting and passionate supportive spectator, the quiet and patient audience
i've remained witness to what soars and what sometimes plunges into a bloody mess along the pavement
and everytime, i wish i could have soften that blow, do something helpful and differently
but i am not that person you want near
or hold dear
i am just a stranger
you might remember from a long time ago
a name you may have uttered in your dream
the one you forget when you wake

am i asking for a lot, for too much?
i don't know
but i can't help if i want that attention
i wanna be in love
with you
whoever you are
i wanna hold your hand and think about you in between the hours of a day
i want you to be the first and last thought in my head
i would love if you would dedicate a blog in my name for there was no other way you could have otherwise vented
would you do that for me?

friend, i am but a friend