My girlfriend.

Am I really still calling her that?
Am I trying to salvage that weak link I wish still tie me to her?
That link is already way too fragile to keep.
Am I just denying a life of detachment from what I used to know?
But why?

I know I can do this.
I am good enough to do this.
And I am strong.
"Strong like an Amazon, remember?" "Strong like an Amazon, right."

It's just...sometimes, everything hurts.
Most of everything anyway, when you thought they wouldn't anymore
Words, sounds, and colors.
People and things, living and non.
Lights.

I used to wonder just who was holding back who and now I realized.
It's always been me, the I-want-it-all me, the please-do-fucking-not-let-her-die me.
The I-let-her-be-dead-me.

How long can a person grieve anyway?
Long enough, I'd say
Just enough to ruin a life,
Mine.

Despite efforts, and the millionth time, I am still here, never left