i'm pissed, very much at myselfi want things i can't have and i want these things because i wanted them they probably wouldn't carry any significance further than thati think i'm wrongand i'm reckless in making choicesi wanna do what's rightwhat's in the scheduleto type, to make things right this is no goodwhat this mortality is doing to me, my bodyhow all this would end in pain and fireeveryone is talking at me nowin my ears, in my head, screaming they are echoing their miseryand wish i could save them i just wanna resti just wanna to not speak a word and lay in beduntil the sun sets, until next sunrisemy passions are heftycaused me pain, and money caused me to be distant, from even my own blood familywill they understand, why i'm doing this?will they remember me, the true me?is this how it will end?with my death?with denial and more deceit? will my blood cleanses and bring happiness?i've got work to do now souls to savebroken to fixpeople to lovereturn wings to those who has fallenso hardso hard on themselves..i watched, i wept and i carried on on that little walk into the darkwhere i will feel homewhy can't i just be happy about stuffi'm real lucky, you knownot trapped by some mechanical or physical boundariesnot abused by my folks who drink and gamble and fucki'm not walking on glass shards everyday like some of them doit should be nicebut people worrythey are built that way and so i worry too choices i made, words i've used and saidill intentions and motives i may harbori've failed them all with truthwith my perceptioni think it's the one thing i've scoredflying colors, they sayand stickers and fake golden starsi am not aligned with myself with second thoughts i am not believing one word i say it's like a dream, and i'm watching with my weary eyesand no one, no one would ask why the light goneall tapped outflowers and greens writhed awaythe train wouldn't stopjust carrying on on its wilful waysi am leaving nowwith fatigueshe says she's taking me to some new placesshe says i'll enjoy myself tremedouslybecause she's with me, you know?always with me.we are forever.




yes, we were supposed to be foreverbut i forgot all about herthe way she sounded, and touched and lovedi am deeply ashamedbut tears, i can no longer shed in her namei will place blamei will kill a man and end this cruel gameto stop the rain to stop myself from hurting again i found some stuff of hers the other daysomething warm to wear on a cold bitter daysomething poetic to read and seek solace from on a real fucked up daythey were things of hersthings that would everyday remind me of herabsencethe living part of me has leftfollowed her out that doorwith devotion, a loyal partner sitting here on the floormy hands grasped for something invisibleit's called 'stability'and sometimes 'courage'i could almost hear her voice nowtelling me to be strong, like the amazonher blue eyes would shine with pride...