In is good

Hey, do you guys think the constant rain is a sign, that the world is fucking ending? You know how the rain is keeping everyone indoor and most probably with their loved ones, and how everyone, includin' myself has came down with something and ill and stuck in bed with a hot honey drink and the tissue box? The cold water is an imminent sign that we should start loving our loved ones more because just how easily they will just slipped because it's just so well, slippery.

I like the rain. I'm totally domesticated and I wouldn't step up unless I have to and the rainy weather just validated that. I probably have caught a bad cold and a couple of days ago, I had a bad sore throat so I really haven't been sleeping for a long time. And I have this sucky voice right now. It's not sexy. And the attachment is up and coming and it scares me. My incompetence scared me. I don't know how to shed it, this real fucked up skin of mine. And mentality. There is nothing wrong with me the same time there is. I wanna be confident about stuff because there is no reason not to and I've yet to even discover me.

The water is so cold and it jerks you right back into reality, an even much colder place, unfortunately. I wanna remember things that would happen on such a persistent rainy weather when Tara was around but nothing specific came up. I would imagine just curling up to her in her bed, fighting for whatever warmth we'll get from each other's bodies and I see mugs on the table. We would most probably be drinking Milo and oh yeah, I've successfully corrupted the Germanic mind with our local chocolatey products. Now that I could cook, I would cook her something nice and warm and soft. Yes I would. There is this tiny nagging thing at the back of my mind. Why didn't I fucking kiss her? I mean, we're dating and we were totally into each other and all couple-y and we should kiss! Yes, for the Book of Love said so. We are totally allowed to make out if we are geniunely into each other and have dreamt of babies names. Ok, so I made up the book...but anyway, that was it. I should have kissed her. Even just once.

The weather is changing, and things are dying, writhing away in agony, physically or otherwise. I am writhing away in my chair right this moment as the first line of this new entry hit me. I'm happy to say that my computer's on and I have an internet connection running (i don't wanna jinx it by saying that my internet connection totally rocks!) so I could update this. Right now, I am waiting. Maybe E will come online and we can talk about the trip. Maybe S will reply me and maybe The L Word would load faster because I just watched both Bette and Tine cried their guts out because they lost their baby and amidst such pressures. I have also related on a very personal level the fear of Dana coming out to her parents. I'm not sure if she and Lara will get back together but I thought Lara's super hot. Yes guys, I'm only at my first season but I'll take my time with it.

I've not been able to write anything for the story lately so I'll apologize if anyone of you is remotely waiting for it. The intellectual, creative fluid was cut short, prematurely and I've run dry. Alexandria and Victoria are no longer talking to me in my head. I am not seeing the sun of Miami or hearing the waves crashed along the coast line at night. I don't see pretty young things on skates and in those hot beach wears...but I promise, if I do get them back, I will give you something that's worth the wait.

It's really hard taking the first step to doing anything. I have a supplementary paper to work on but everytime I retrieve my files, I wish my heart would stop. I wish the guilt and fear aren't carrying any extra weigh with them. "I don't like company, guys. I'm good." But I know I have to find a way to get started on it. This is one of those things that is not up for procrastination now...