Dear Love,
Letter 14 and I feel like I should be heading somewhere. I've been writing for almost half a month now but it feels like I haven't moved an inch. On most days, I imagine myself nearing towards a miracle or at least a destination where I can finally stop all this yearning to bask in the glory of our sweet love. Today, I just feel like a train wreck, minutes away from falling off the edge of a cliff, seconds away from a sort of searing pain, one I am not sure if I'll ever recover from. I don't think my heart can take any more of this.
I need you more than I want you. And I want you more than I know is possible. I am not sorry. I am not guilty, for this is what my heart sings to me and I know you feel the exact same way. You love me. I hear you whisper it to me every night before we go to bed. I felt the words carve tiny craters on the surface of my bones and make impressions on my flesh. I am yours and only yours and I'll give myself to you in a heartbeat if you would only ask.
At times, I thought I could cry myself to death. Those endless nights made me believe that I am far from being rational and all right. I know for sure I wouldn't survive this heartache. In the wee hours of the night, I wanted to rush for you. I wanted to tell your mother about us. I want to fuck you so hard you would not remember anything else. I want to hold you in my heart just so I could breathe again. But I can't. I just can't.
You told me over breakfast one time how a person's life is made up of the choices he/she makes. I now hold the tool to shaping the outcome of our lives. I need a guiding hand, a hug. I need you to tell me that what I am doing is right. I can't imagine keeping you away from me and breaking a future we could possibly have into pieces.
Tara
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