I no longer remember

At 24, I'm back at the crossroad I was at just two years ago. I am just as troubled, just as unhappy, if not more about life. It leaves me with a bitter aftertaste in my mouth. Deprived of any true inspiration, I realise I haven't eaten in almost a year.

I have been thinking or rather, not been thinking at all. I've either lost everything and who I am or I have not experienced and cultivated anything in the last years of my life. I am empty. Stubborn and empty.

I am still locked up, still drowning. And what kills me the most is the fact that I am the one responsible for putting myself in that place. I am keeping myself from all my potential. I don't know what I can do with that power but I wanna do something and I don't know how. I want things I know I can have. What I want is easy. What I want is achievable. But as of right now, I am helpless. Utterly, totally helpless. And there is nothing I hate more than being helpless.

Everyone wants answers. Do I like my job? What do I think about copywriting? No, I hate copywriting. I hate doing anything I have no interest for. Period. How do I feel about being put fourth or fifth or sixth or even the hundredth place on everyone else's plate? Do people really care about me and my so-called, yet to be explored potential? And why does people lose their tempers on me if they care? Is this how people care? If so, what do they want from me?

I am scared. I am lost. I am whatever the hell I am now. I like writing. I vaguely remember I do but you have taken away everything. Now even that I can't do.

I've recently met someone whom I may potentially develop feelings for. She asked if I were ready for love and all I wanted to say in that instant was that I like you. I can be ready for you. Just give me a chance. But of course I didn't. She is in love with someone else.

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