Letters, Strings and All 10

Dear Love,

The tenth letter of the month and I am doubting my intentions. Nothing is going to alleviate this separation, for I imagine very little, if at all, consolation could be drawn from this. I wrote this letter some hours before dawn broke. Truth be told, I have just been staring at a blank piece of paper and the pen in my hand for the last 2 days but nothing comes. I almost gave up, trying to verbalise what I really feel inside. I was mentally exhausted.

There is something I miss with an aching pain and I've let it take over me. I miss the comfort of your warmth when I cuddle into you. I miss the touch of your naked skin against mine. I miss how I'll trace your ribs with my finger and how that tickles you to no end. I miss the way you would just grab me into a hug.

I know deep down our love is different from anything I had and will ever experience in my life. This love will stay in my heart and it will go on forever and on the contrary to what Lex likes to believe, it's not just about sex. It is a lot about the kind of conversations, understanding and respect we had for each other. It's not about taking things or people for granted. Our union is pure celebration of life. I love you. That is all I could muster to say. That is all I need to say.

The littlest things are reminding me of you and I don't know where the line is anymore, what separates us from reality. I could feel pain with palpable tangibility and it's taking my breath away. The nights are harder to get by when everything is quiet. I'm eating less, mourning for lost time. Work has become this routine that I have to perform simply because it pays. I find myself spacing out, disappearing into this other place and sighing and sometimes, even breaking down in anguish and tears. It's really not how life is supposed to be!!!

I go to sleep in your jacket but the warmth is diminishing and cold is starting to envelop me. I bit my fears down and I don't make a sound as loneliness takes residence in my heart. I don't know if I have relied on anything or anyone more than you but clearly, being without you has rendered me incapable and unmotivated to go on in life. I love you. I really do. I don't have anything else to say.

Tara