I know you have to leave by morning
Words you have whispered to me in the dark
But please, leave me with a hint
Of reality, blurry proof that you were not a dream

And so I won't wake up

I grasp air in my hand
I listen in hard on muted conversations,
Things you would never tell me or repeat twice
Cause you won't hear of it
Cause you can't hear it

And so I won't let go and I'll keep pressing

Where do you go when you step out of my door?
Do you just walk in circles until it's time to come home?
I've always wanted to follow you, my little attempts, futile at best to kiss blade to wrists
I am due for a visit
I find myself walking in circles,

I am now lost

Was that laughter I hear, a soft dim amber glow I spot in a distance,
Travelling further away and away as if I deserve none of it
It's unfair, I hear myself say but it always is and will be
How do you think anyone walks again with a void where a brimming heart once resides

It has always been a burning question, just one of those I don't have an answer for

No matter how hard I try
I just keep doing, living like it's a remote possibility

I'm not yet the one in the ground
I'm not the one so decomposed I could be of no help
But sometimes I might as well be

And it hits me

I love you and I'll always do
Yet none of that love seems to matter much anymore
Because we aren't meant to be together and we will never be

Because

It really is a lonelier place without you
I have no business for anyone else and yet they continue knocking on my windows at the most inappropriate hours
I'd like to put across my intentions bluntly in his face
Please go away, and go away now
Please just let this be my imagination running wild
Please have no room for me, no compassion
We're mere strangers. I rather revel in my loneliness than be in your kind embrace.

So go, do as you are told

I am tired now. I do not feel like a word
I must leave my eyes shut so tears won't fall
I wanna shut off the world when I laid my body neatly on the hot asphalt

As I lay leisurely and patiently in familiar waters, I feel sick to my stomach
as dilemma engulfs me like fire
My heart is racing again like an inauspicious omen
Am I doing it right or am I just on the road to more wrongs, more time wasted?

But I just wanna rest