I am remembering something. Something that completely thrills and throws me off my chair if my ass wasn't already on the floor. It’s exhilarating, like a first kiss. Something familiar is invoked in me. It has been quite a while and you may believe I am delusional and severely detached from reality when all along I was part of humanity and the whole spectrum of emotions. I have goosebumps coming down my spine and it wasn’t a ghost. I am excited and my heart pumps for the right reasons. I am reconnecting again, through visionary art and pain and sort of a connection between this and that. I am reclaiming my love for pain but the good kind. I am ecstatic, my adrenaline pumping, coursing through my veins I was smiling and for real. I don’t remember the last time I did. It made me lighter. It made me a different being. The being that was lost to all the wrong reasons in life. It’s only for an hour though. It will fade until the next hour comes again and I’ll feel like home. And I’ll have wings and the wind in my hair. It’s real odd how I didn’t feel like this when I was going through it. I ought to be profusely apologetic. That next time will come on the day the world sees me so till then.

It was an extraordinarily amazing feeling that was lost on me. I was feeling something else, the not-so-good pain. The pain took me away from me and turned me into less of an individual who care for and love herself. My heart was pining for another, who would never care about me if I was left with my last drop of good blood. And today I made the decision to erase her from my life, starting with the impressions of her. I will go on to erase her face from my brain like it’s the easiest thing to do. How can she hurt me more than my slit wrist? But she did and it was only because she smiled. Anyway, back to reclaiming myself and reconnecting, I am very anticipative and though no one would be standing on my side, I know I can deal and I will enjoy every bit of the process of marking myself for the better. It made me forget, the useless vessel I was. It made me vulnerable to the simplest things in life. It made me human.