God I didn't think I could crave drinking at Holland Village the way I had. It's insane. I was insane. It is a familiar feeling that brought me back to this span of moments where I have been before and left quite reluctantly for various reasons for a long time, a person I thought was my true self rather than a reflection. And I could still never be drunk, however I decided to drink.
The desire to return to that place was burning like wild fire in my heart. I work at Buona Vista now which makes walking to Holland Village a breeze and a very, very tempting thing to do. Everything has changed though. I am now alone, sitting among strangers and their partners, the waiters have changed faces and they have introduced a different house brand which was actually quite good. For a long time, I didn't feel pain. I feel home...despite the surge of memory it has triggered.
I don't know what I'll do in the coming days. I am all for succumbing easily and slipping back into my old habit of spending endless evenings just drinking my guts away yet a part of me knows I should muster courage from somewhere inside myself to fight the urge which I have done pretty well.
I wish for company. Someone who knows me, someone who wants to know me for who I am and not who they think I am. Someone I could love, and be honest with. Someone who makes my heart beat. Someone I could talk about anything and everything without having to spin a different story, a lie. Someone I know I'd be safe with, even if I do get drunk or begin to babble like an idiot, which by the way, has yet happened.
I am alone because I am more sober drunk than when I am not.
I am addicted to my past. Something I would never experience again. I am stupid but hey, at least I got to keep my honesty intact.
Why do I continue to write? Who am I writing this for? What do I wanna get out of it? Love, a greeting from someone who cares?
No one cares. I've learnt a long time ago.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Monday, September 14, 2009
Sunday, September 6, 2009
I am remembering something. Something that completely thrills and throws me off my chair if my ass wasn't already on the floor. It’s exhilarating, like a first kiss. Something familiar is invoked in me. It has been quite a while and you may believe I am delusional and severely detached from reality when all along I was part of humanity and the whole spectrum of emotions. I have goosebumps coming down my spine and it wasn’t a ghost. I am excited and my heart pumps for the right reasons. I am reconnecting again, through visionary art and pain and sort of a connection between this and that. I am reclaiming my love for pain but the good kind. I am ecstatic, my adrenaline pumping, coursing through my veins I was smiling and for real. I don’t remember the last time I did. It made me lighter. It made me a different being. The being that was lost to all the wrong reasons in life. It’s only for an hour though. It will fade until the next hour comes again and I’ll feel like home. And I’ll have wings and the wind in my hair. It’s real odd how I didn’t feel like this when I was going through it. I ought to be profusely apologetic. That next time will come on the day the world sees me so till then.
It was an extraordinarily amazing feeling that was lost on me. I was feeling something else, the not-so-good pain. The pain took me away from me and turned me into less of an individual who care for and love herself. My heart was pining for another, who would never care about me if I was left with my last drop of good blood. And today I made the decision to erase her from my life, starting with the impressions of her. I will go on to erase her face from my brain like it’s the easiest thing to do. How can she hurt me more than my slit wrist? But she did and it was only because she smiled. Anyway, back to reclaiming myself and reconnecting, I am very anticipative and though no one would be standing on my side, I know I can deal and I will enjoy every bit of the process of marking myself for the better. It made me forget, the useless vessel I was. It made me vulnerable to the simplest things in life. It made me human.
It was an extraordinarily amazing feeling that was lost on me. I was feeling something else, the not-so-good pain. The pain took me away from me and turned me into less of an individual who care for and love herself. My heart was pining for another, who would never care about me if I was left with my last drop of good blood. And today I made the decision to erase her from my life, starting with the impressions of her. I will go on to erase her face from my brain like it’s the easiest thing to do. How can she hurt me more than my slit wrist? But she did and it was only because she smiled. Anyway, back to reclaiming myself and reconnecting, I am very anticipative and though no one would be standing on my side, I know I can deal and I will enjoy every bit of the process of marking myself for the better. It made me forget, the useless vessel I was. It made me vulnerable to the simplest things in life. It made me human.
Friday, September 4, 2009
Letters, Strings and All IX
I woke, slightly grouchy and barely awake. I was walking with my eyes closed and I stretched and took a deep breath. I heard a really loud, manly yelp coming from the kitchen and for a minute there, I was torn between running in with a baseball bat that magically appears in my firm grip or I could be all stealthy and old Russian espionage. (I must have been watching too much TV) I decided on neither. I moved quietly like a mouse and what filled my half-lidded sight was the silhouette of a tall man, early 20s who has never dated, or has ever made decent breakfast for a girl besides maybe his own mother holding on to his finger under running water at the sink. He has cut himself. I hurried over but stopped myself in time. He’s after all a grown man and I was waiting to see what he was up to. He shrugged dismissingly the bleeding wound, reaching for a plaster and wrapping it tightly around his injured digit and continued with whatever he was busy with. He has his glasses perched at the tip of his nose, which I love and found terribly charming and old English. I think he was humming a song, tiptoeing on the balls of his heels left and right and left again. I couldn’t hear clearly but you probably have heard the song before. He was in a very old white tee shirt, worn out and stained in various places at the sleeves and the middle in shades of pink and gym shorts. That was your fault when you forgot to separate colors from whites the other time.
I was lost, watching him. He was exceptionally and surprisingly graceful, for a man of his size and background and well, lack of culinary finesse or so I thought. I may have made a noise because he turned around and looked at me with a wide, childish grin spread on his marble-chiseled features. It was like sunshine. I smiled and greeted him Good morning. He fetched immediately from the refrigerator a glass of freshly squeezed orange tomato juice and sat me down, his muscular hands gently pushing down on my shoulders. I eyed him curiously, wondering what he would whip up. I knew he grocery-shopped last night because I had bumped into him in the elevator and offered help. He continued to hum, something out of a rock concert maybe because his fists were holding invisible drum sticks and beating them as if on a flat surface furiously in mid air. I watched, bemused and entertained. He reached for a plate from above his head and deftly transferred the omelet from the pan onto the chinaware. He motioned in my face a bottle of ketchup and pointed to the salt and pepper kit he had laid very nicely on the table, along with silver cutleries and napkin. I felt almost like a queen. I asked that he joined me. He simply refused. I looked at him, lifting my right brow questioningly. He crossed his heart and guaranteed the omelet and juice were perfectly fit for human consumption. And I believed his words, picked up my fork and dug in. “Wow, this is good! This is really good!” I remembered thinking to myself.
The inside of the omelet was so moist it melted like ice cream and I could taste subtly tomato cubes, then more distinctively button mushrooms and crunchy diced cucumber. And then I made a delightful discovery – roasted almond flakes stuck in the recesses of the egg mixture, providing a much desired contrast in texture and crunch. He must have put the flakes in just as the omelet was to be served. I finished my plate hungrily, determined to finish every last morsel. I was grinning from ear to ear. That happiness was short-lived though, replaced rapidly by sort of a mourning feeling. I wish to God you were sitting right beside me and eating the same food. But you weren’t. You weren’t watching me eat with a smile and feeding me between mouthfuls like you do on most mornings. He smiled and watched as I finished the plate. I looked at him and mouthed ‘thank you’ and gave him a tight hug. Hmm…it’s quite odd he smelt like lavender too. I bet you didn’t know that, right? Odd but nevertheless refreshing, 7 am in the morning. He pointed at his watch that he will come back just in time to send me to work. It’s his first day off in 2 weeks and he would take the train with me. You could tell he was in a fantastic mood. I nodded and kissed him goodbye on both his cheeks before he left the house for the park. It took him by surprise because I have never shown him affection like that before. Heck, it surprised me too. I have never touched a man this intimately before and didn’t think I would ever. I wanted to thank him for a putting a smile on my face, if only for a minute. God knows the last time I smiled. Anyway, he left and I turned my back and let out a sigh. The dull ache in my heart has returned and taken over me.
I miss you, the first and last thought in my head. Did you have breakfast? I think not. You have the worst appetite in the morning and I had to coax you to eating like a willful baby. The method was simple - a kiss in exchange for a mouthful of food or you will never eat. I studied intently the post-in note at the sink, hoping you would suddenly manifest before my eyes and grab me into a hug. It was one of the last onees you left before you left. It read aloud "Good morning, baby. I’m sorry you had to wake up alone today. Gonna tie up the loose ends for that Art project. I love you and please have a good day. I will see you at dinner. I’ll miss you.” Warm tears formed and brimmed from my eyes as I desperately try to recall the sound of your voice, a task that remained to be a timely challenge. I traced the cursive handwriting with my fingertip, imagining it to be your skin or the shape of your lips. I was fairly disappointed and laughed bitterly at my own silliness and rolled my eyes. If I didn't...if only we didn't...
I grabbed your jacket from the wardrobe. The lingering scent of you on the cotton fabric assaulted my nostrils like drinking soda too quickly. I pulled the jacket tighter to myself as if I could meld together me and it. Just then a head popped into my room. It was Lex, back from his jog. The scent of lavender long gone, his sweat mingled with the morning air. I told him I’d be ready as soon as he was. 10 minutes later, we were on the bus towards the train station.
I laid my head against his shoulders and he was looking out the window in the opposite direction. Despite a year living together, we sat in mutual silence. Perhaps because I was deaf, or just so we’re both so painfully shy and introverted. My voice pierced through and broke the silence when I asked if he has spoken to you. He shook his head and wondered what the hell has happened between us. I had to come clean, how you violated my trust, our first argument and the night we broke up at the park. He listened and concluded that things take time and trust needs to be built again on both sides. He believed we were meant to be together and nothing should and will ever break us apart. I nodded gratefully and knowingly, for his company and advice. I watched the scenery go past before my eyes, like the good times we have had and the bad. It was written in his brown eyes that he too, misses you a great deal. Though neither one of us would care to admit, it has been rather awkward without you. You were always the bridge that brought us together. You are essentially the only one who understood me. We walked side by side along the pavement as he filled me in about a possible overseas work transfer. I concurred it would be a great exposure and learning experience and something valuable to keep under his belt. “Yeah, you think?” “Of course, dork!” I punched him playfully on his left arm and we continued walking. I asked about his plans for the day and if he would like lunch with me so he could hover around the customer service counter. There’s a really cute part-timer named April. I think she speaks funny though, her immaculately selected choice of words. I suppose some guys find that endearing. Lex blushed a shade of red, the way he does whenever the word ‘girlfriend’ comes into the picture. I punched him again, lightly. “You guys are worried, aren’t you?” “All the time.” We laughed. “This is me,” I said, stopping just outside the films and music counter. “And that way’s Customer Service, sir.” I pointed with good intentions, a mischievous glint in my eyes, waiting for that tomato shade of red to resurface and I wasn’t disappointed at all. Lex embraced me in a tight hug and left me at my counter. “I’ll see you at lunch, girl.” The sound of his voice ever so distant in my ears. Sometimes I wonder if I had imagined hearing these voices and what if they were never real. He disappeared into the corner that leads to Customer Service.
Every day I wake up, wishing the day would unfold and end with you and each day I have been let down. You’ve simply become too far away, since the day I pushed you away. I concentrate on work, reading critiques and reviews of the latest albums or films. I make the best recommendations for my customers and would do nothing short of walking them to the cashier. I have forged trusted relationships with some nice people who looked past the irony that I was deaf. Life, on the surface was fine though I know it mocks my futile attempts to get you off my mind. Sometimes, I pleaded for time to stop, or if imaginable, for time to bring me back to when I would still wake up with you by myself, to when the first thing I taste is your tongue. It has never answered my call though. All these years, silence was the one thing that never left me. It’s the one thing that sometimes even you can’t intrude. It provided me absolute privacy. It has grown on me, almost like a skin that fits too closely. It made me think and focus on what I, we can do, separately and together. It gave me courage to be here, to carry on with life and it made me somehow trust in you. Still, I wish I were a more together, self-aware person who has given you the affection and attention you needed. Then maybe we wouldn’t have to be broken up now. I yearn for the day we reconnect.
Lex was already waiting for me at the cashier before the clock strike noon. It had suddenly rained and I was grateful I had your jacket on me. Poor substitute though. We walked towards Tanglin Mall and decided on Starbucks. Whenever I walk in now, I would picture you sitting in that little corner and dozing off, a half-read book in your hand. That image remained freshly etched in my head. It was how I found you the first night. You were adorable and I think I had wanted to kiss you then. Lex got us both lattes as I found a seat by the window. I watched as people go by, my hands cupping the warm beverage, capturing whatever warmth it emitted. Just then I saw a piece of card sticking out of Lex’s pocket and I looked at him suspiciously. I reached for it and it was a phone number. I looked up at Lex who by now has turned a shade of red and grinned at him. “Nice work!” I said and I meant it. He laughed, his hand rubbing the back of his head. “Just so you know, I didn't ask for it. She was adamant about stuffing it in my pocket. She does have an interesting choice of words, doesn’t she? Kinda reminded me of the answering machine. Ever so chirpy and mechanic.” I had to agree. He boldly placed his hand on mine and held it tight, as if to channel positive energy. I looked at him then his hand and smiled. "Well, it's that look on your face..." He said. And indeed I wonder about you, what you were doing right this minute. I wonder about your day and night everyday. “You’re really sweet.” Lex blushed involuntarily again and withdrew his hand. “Hey, positive energy!” He replaced his hand.
I bit half-heartedly into my blueberry muffin. It has been your favorite. You, the arch-nemesis of all baked goods, especially breads. You’re more Germanic than I am. “You’re thinking about her now, aren’t you?” I barely smiled. “And how would you know?” “Well, let’s just say I am a keen observant.” I stick out my tongue, unimpressed. “Plus, it’s your eyes. The way they seemed to take you far away from here.” I watched Lex as he said those words. “Oh, so Mr. Observant, when are you gonna give April a call?” We were leaving when Lex held on to my shoulder, freezing me in my tracks. I turned around, a post-in note in my face. The words were cluttered and tiny, scribbled by a familiar hand and distracted mind. I clutched tightly the tiny piece of paper, stuffing it quickly into my pocket. We parted ways outside Starbucks and after I was alone, I reached for the note in my pocket. It was crumbled and stained. “You were right about leaving. And I realized it now.” It might sound strange and because it really is, for in my head there was you, sitting exactly where I just sat, only in Lex's place, a pen in your hand and the note. You had a smile on your face as if you have just been washed with enlightenment. It was as if you have understood something that was very simply yet complex. "What is it that you have realized, my love?" I said softly to myself.
It was cold in the shower tonight. I forgot the heater, again and you weren't waiting out there for me. I have taken for granted the habit you made of waiting for me by the bathroom door so you could pull me into a tight hug as soon as I got out, rubbing your hands up and down my arms as if you were frightened I would catch a cold. I could feel your warm breath whispering into my ears. Have I told you how that easily turn me on? I wanna be pulled into that hug now. My eyes turned to your jacket that was lying on your side of the bed. It was just very quiet. A little like you when we are just snuggling in bed. You would hum into my ears an imaginary song, something to wash me into sleep. And I'll wake the next morning, with your arm resting possessively across my chest, our legs entwined under the blanket. And then a strong scent of lavender would wash over me. I always wake before you do, so I could watch you. It wasn't before long when you would wake and kiss me good morning. I suppose I have taken that for granted as well. Forgive me, love.
liebe Ich Sie immer und mein Herz gehört nur Ihnen und sonst niemandem
Liebe,
Liesl
10 April 2002
I was lost, watching him. He was exceptionally and surprisingly graceful, for a man of his size and background and well, lack of culinary finesse or so I thought. I may have made a noise because he turned around and looked at me with a wide, childish grin spread on his marble-chiseled features. It was like sunshine. I smiled and greeted him Good morning. He fetched immediately from the refrigerator a glass of freshly squeezed orange tomato juice and sat me down, his muscular hands gently pushing down on my shoulders. I eyed him curiously, wondering what he would whip up. I knew he grocery-shopped last night because I had bumped into him in the elevator and offered help. He continued to hum, something out of a rock concert maybe because his fists were holding invisible drum sticks and beating them as if on a flat surface furiously in mid air. I watched, bemused and entertained. He reached for a plate from above his head and deftly transferred the omelet from the pan onto the chinaware. He motioned in my face a bottle of ketchup and pointed to the salt and pepper kit he had laid very nicely on the table, along with silver cutleries and napkin. I felt almost like a queen. I asked that he joined me. He simply refused. I looked at him, lifting my right brow questioningly. He crossed his heart and guaranteed the omelet and juice were perfectly fit for human consumption. And I believed his words, picked up my fork and dug in. “Wow, this is good! This is really good!” I remembered thinking to myself.
The inside of the omelet was so moist it melted like ice cream and I could taste subtly tomato cubes, then more distinctively button mushrooms and crunchy diced cucumber. And then I made a delightful discovery – roasted almond flakes stuck in the recesses of the egg mixture, providing a much desired contrast in texture and crunch. He must have put the flakes in just as the omelet was to be served. I finished my plate hungrily, determined to finish every last morsel. I was grinning from ear to ear. That happiness was short-lived though, replaced rapidly by sort of a mourning feeling. I wish to God you were sitting right beside me and eating the same food. But you weren’t. You weren’t watching me eat with a smile and feeding me between mouthfuls like you do on most mornings. He smiled and watched as I finished the plate. I looked at him and mouthed ‘thank you’ and gave him a tight hug. Hmm…it’s quite odd he smelt like lavender too. I bet you didn’t know that, right? Odd but nevertheless refreshing, 7 am in the morning. He pointed at his watch that he will come back just in time to send me to work. It’s his first day off in 2 weeks and he would take the train with me. You could tell he was in a fantastic mood. I nodded and kissed him goodbye on both his cheeks before he left the house for the park. It took him by surprise because I have never shown him affection like that before. Heck, it surprised me too. I have never touched a man this intimately before and didn’t think I would ever. I wanted to thank him for a putting a smile on my face, if only for a minute. God knows the last time I smiled. Anyway, he left and I turned my back and let out a sigh. The dull ache in my heart has returned and taken over me.
I miss you, the first and last thought in my head. Did you have breakfast? I think not. You have the worst appetite in the morning and I had to coax you to eating like a willful baby. The method was simple - a kiss in exchange for a mouthful of food or you will never eat. I studied intently the post-in note at the sink, hoping you would suddenly manifest before my eyes and grab me into a hug. It was one of the last onees you left before you left. It read aloud "Good morning, baby. I’m sorry you had to wake up alone today. Gonna tie up the loose ends for that Art project. I love you and please have a good day. I will see you at dinner. I’ll miss you.” Warm tears formed and brimmed from my eyes as I desperately try to recall the sound of your voice, a task that remained to be a timely challenge. I traced the cursive handwriting with my fingertip, imagining it to be your skin or the shape of your lips. I was fairly disappointed and laughed bitterly at my own silliness and rolled my eyes. If I didn't...if only we didn't...
I grabbed your jacket from the wardrobe. The lingering scent of you on the cotton fabric assaulted my nostrils like drinking soda too quickly. I pulled the jacket tighter to myself as if I could meld together me and it. Just then a head popped into my room. It was Lex, back from his jog. The scent of lavender long gone, his sweat mingled with the morning air. I told him I’d be ready as soon as he was. 10 minutes later, we were on the bus towards the train station.
I laid my head against his shoulders and he was looking out the window in the opposite direction. Despite a year living together, we sat in mutual silence. Perhaps because I was deaf, or just so we’re both so painfully shy and introverted. My voice pierced through and broke the silence when I asked if he has spoken to you. He shook his head and wondered what the hell has happened between us. I had to come clean, how you violated my trust, our first argument and the night we broke up at the park. He listened and concluded that things take time and trust needs to be built again on both sides. He believed we were meant to be together and nothing should and will ever break us apart. I nodded gratefully and knowingly, for his company and advice. I watched the scenery go past before my eyes, like the good times we have had and the bad. It was written in his brown eyes that he too, misses you a great deal. Though neither one of us would care to admit, it has been rather awkward without you. You were always the bridge that brought us together. You are essentially the only one who understood me. We walked side by side along the pavement as he filled me in about a possible overseas work transfer. I concurred it would be a great exposure and learning experience and something valuable to keep under his belt. “Yeah, you think?” “Of course, dork!” I punched him playfully on his left arm and we continued walking. I asked about his plans for the day and if he would like lunch with me so he could hover around the customer service counter. There’s a really cute part-timer named April. I think she speaks funny though, her immaculately selected choice of words. I suppose some guys find that endearing. Lex blushed a shade of red, the way he does whenever the word ‘girlfriend’ comes into the picture. I punched him again, lightly. “You guys are worried, aren’t you?” “All the time.” We laughed. “This is me,” I said, stopping just outside the films and music counter. “And that way’s Customer Service, sir.” I pointed with good intentions, a mischievous glint in my eyes, waiting for that tomato shade of red to resurface and I wasn’t disappointed at all. Lex embraced me in a tight hug and left me at my counter. “I’ll see you at lunch, girl.” The sound of his voice ever so distant in my ears. Sometimes I wonder if I had imagined hearing these voices and what if they were never real. He disappeared into the corner that leads to Customer Service.
Every day I wake up, wishing the day would unfold and end with you and each day I have been let down. You’ve simply become too far away, since the day I pushed you away. I concentrate on work, reading critiques and reviews of the latest albums or films. I make the best recommendations for my customers and would do nothing short of walking them to the cashier. I have forged trusted relationships with some nice people who looked past the irony that I was deaf. Life, on the surface was fine though I know it mocks my futile attempts to get you off my mind. Sometimes, I pleaded for time to stop, or if imaginable, for time to bring me back to when I would still wake up with you by myself, to when the first thing I taste is your tongue. It has never answered my call though. All these years, silence was the one thing that never left me. It’s the one thing that sometimes even you can’t intrude. It provided me absolute privacy. It has grown on me, almost like a skin that fits too closely. It made me think and focus on what I, we can do, separately and together. It gave me courage to be here, to carry on with life and it made me somehow trust in you. Still, I wish I were a more together, self-aware person who has given you the affection and attention you needed. Then maybe we wouldn’t have to be broken up now. I yearn for the day we reconnect.
Lex was already waiting for me at the cashier before the clock strike noon. It had suddenly rained and I was grateful I had your jacket on me. Poor substitute though. We walked towards Tanglin Mall and decided on Starbucks. Whenever I walk in now, I would picture you sitting in that little corner and dozing off, a half-read book in your hand. That image remained freshly etched in my head. It was how I found you the first night. You were adorable and I think I had wanted to kiss you then. Lex got us both lattes as I found a seat by the window. I watched as people go by, my hands cupping the warm beverage, capturing whatever warmth it emitted. Just then I saw a piece of card sticking out of Lex’s pocket and I looked at him suspiciously. I reached for it and it was a phone number. I looked up at Lex who by now has turned a shade of red and grinned at him. “Nice work!” I said and I meant it. He laughed, his hand rubbing the back of his head. “Just so you know, I didn't ask for it. She was adamant about stuffing it in my pocket. She does have an interesting choice of words, doesn’t she? Kinda reminded me of the answering machine. Ever so chirpy and mechanic.” I had to agree. He boldly placed his hand on mine and held it tight, as if to channel positive energy. I looked at him then his hand and smiled. "Well, it's that look on your face..." He said. And indeed I wonder about you, what you were doing right this minute. I wonder about your day and night everyday. “You’re really sweet.” Lex blushed involuntarily again and withdrew his hand. “Hey, positive energy!” He replaced his hand.
I bit half-heartedly into my blueberry muffin. It has been your favorite. You, the arch-nemesis of all baked goods, especially breads. You’re more Germanic than I am. “You’re thinking about her now, aren’t you?” I barely smiled. “And how would you know?” “Well, let’s just say I am a keen observant.” I stick out my tongue, unimpressed. “Plus, it’s your eyes. The way they seemed to take you far away from here.” I watched Lex as he said those words. “Oh, so Mr. Observant, when are you gonna give April a call?” We were leaving when Lex held on to my shoulder, freezing me in my tracks. I turned around, a post-in note in my face. The words were cluttered and tiny, scribbled by a familiar hand and distracted mind. I clutched tightly the tiny piece of paper, stuffing it quickly into my pocket. We parted ways outside Starbucks and after I was alone, I reached for the note in my pocket. It was crumbled and stained. “You were right about leaving. And I realized it now.” It might sound strange and because it really is, for in my head there was you, sitting exactly where I just sat, only in Lex's place, a pen in your hand and the note. You had a smile on your face as if you have just been washed with enlightenment. It was as if you have understood something that was very simply yet complex. "What is it that you have realized, my love?" I said softly to myself.
It was cold in the shower tonight. I forgot the heater, again and you weren't waiting out there for me. I have taken for granted the habit you made of waiting for me by the bathroom door so you could pull me into a tight hug as soon as I got out, rubbing your hands up and down my arms as if you were frightened I would catch a cold. I could feel your warm breath whispering into my ears. Have I told you how that easily turn me on? I wanna be pulled into that hug now. My eyes turned to your jacket that was lying on your side of the bed. It was just very quiet. A little like you when we are just snuggling in bed. You would hum into my ears an imaginary song, something to wash me into sleep. And I'll wake the next morning, with your arm resting possessively across my chest, our legs entwined under the blanket. And then a strong scent of lavender would wash over me. I always wake before you do, so I could watch you. It wasn't before long when you would wake and kiss me good morning. I suppose I have taken that for granted as well. Forgive me, love.
liebe Ich Sie immer und mein Herz gehört nur Ihnen und sonst niemandem
Liebe,
Liesl
10 April 2002
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