J was her name
That's all I needed and what a gorgeous name
There are things I've yet to understand
There are things I'll learn to grasp
Who is she really?
A rose in the rain?
A word in my lullaby
Or is she the woman in my dream, a blurry watercolor painting?
I don't know yet
Wouldn't have the answer until later
For now, I'll sit still
And watch her...
I hear her now, in the dark
Her voice, her sincerity
If it wasn't for her
I don't know how I've gotten so far today
Life is a flame burnt anew
Life is a path with fresh budding flowers along its edges
And life is about embarking on a self-discovery journey
With you, my guide, my light
You, my mentor and latest find
I saw clean lines
And I saw my footprints, hesitating to move forward because I know i'll die
I'm terrified, yet all along willingly on this ride
Where is she going to take me?
Where am I taking her?
What have I been doing?
What shouldn't I have done and said?
She's one hell of a tricky mystery
I'm not ready to unravel
But I am not a fking idiot either
I am just an ordinary girl who knows nothing outside of her world
I am only someone with words and with them, paint an universe
Have I hurt her?
Have I used words I shouldn't?
Have I gone so bizarrely out of my mind when I think about her?
I'm sorry if it makes you uncomfortable
I saw the color of your eyes today
And I heard your laughter with my own ears
It was music, it was real
You are indeed as practical as you said you were, all mapped out.
While all I had are words
And words and languages are cold
I've been hurt before, everyone has been before
But this is all I have and can give
I taste your comfort in my mouth now
You taught me well
It sets my heart on a rhythmic rhythm even at 170
You are ever swiftly moving, evasive about most everything
I can't get close, you know but I wouldn't push
You needed faith so it will all come at its own time
Maybe that first night would return to fill my heart with joy
Maybe I'll have the pleasure again to listen to your voice
Maybe
Maybe it's already forever lost.
Your words bounded me
lead me to believe
and compel me to forget everything we have shared.
Is this fair? I don't ask
Do I want more? Sure I do.
Will you give me it? I seriously doubt so.
The third day. That's all it takes.
I now watched with easy gratitude, flowers blooming.
Such fragile comfort...
The rain might come at times, and erosions too
But I suppose the will to wanna make things work prevailed and brought life
Mundane.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Monday, July 21, 2008
The Lake House
OK, I've just wrapped up watching The Lake House, starring Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock last night. It gave me that familiar feeling that I would only get when I'm reading letters Tara used to write to me when she was alive. That feeling prompted me in anticipation to finish watching the DVD. It was the end of another crazy week at work and I'm barely recovering from my various flu and cough and whatnots bugs and I would love to get some rest. But I bought the DVD some time ago and I decided to do it justice by playing it. I've always been a Sandra Bullock fan and I knew that whatever projects she decided to embark on, it can't be too bad and The Lake House proved that point rather poignantly, I would say.
For gentle readers of my blog who have yet catch the film, I'm telling you you should. And beware for possible spoilers. 2 persons, existing in different time frames altogether exchanged correspondences through a mailbox. They realized they were living in the same house a.k.a the Lake House and rearing the exact same dog named Jack or Jac, I wouldn't know. Anyway, they tried desperately to meet up but a fatal car accident prevented that meeting. Alex, played by Keanu was dead before he could meet Kate, Sandra's character. Just one wrong reckless move, and the 2 of them would have been separated forever. The mind-boggling time travel thing aside, it's about 2 people finding themselves in themselves and then falling in love with each other and realizing just how significant they could be to each other and to everyone else.
I didn't think I would like the film so much. It could be because it's the very first time I was watchin' it and I had no clue to knowing how it would develop and its twists and ending. So it's all fresh and my heart ready to be taken for a spectacular and romantic ride. I was so terrified that Alex would die and they would never be reunited. I was in pain when I watched as Kate tried her hardest to save his life. And I think the tones of their voices have got a lot to do with it. How soft their voices were...
Tara used to write letters for me. I think she did that while I was asleep. She would later place the letters in a bundle and put them in a box. I also found a jacket. It wasn't really the most necessary piece of clothing in a tropical island like Singapore but I kept it anyway in my closet. There will come a day when I know I'll need it. Needless to say, the car accident in the film reminded me of her. In the film, Kate couldn't save that man's life and she was really affected by it. She thought about the life of that man, the people who were waiting for him to come home and how they would never know...and yes, I thought about that too. I never got over that accident. I never got over how incredibly stupid I must have been to let it happened. Maybe that's why I ain't in such a hurry to get a driver's license. A door would close and another one would open. At least that's what everyone says. I don't know if I believe it.
I'm graduating soon. I don't have a sustantial job offer yet. I'm thinking of applying for a job in Adelaide. It would be very scary. I would be on my own. I would have to be an adult. And I have to be strong. Right now, all I've got are words and plans. Nothing concrete yet. And if I've decided to go for it, I would need money so I suppose I would still be working in Singapore for a while more before embarking on my journey. We will see what happens and where I will go.
For gentle readers of my blog who have yet catch the film, I'm telling you you should. And beware for possible spoilers. 2 persons, existing in different time frames altogether exchanged correspondences through a mailbox. They realized they were living in the same house a.k.a the Lake House and rearing the exact same dog named Jack or Jac, I wouldn't know. Anyway, they tried desperately to meet up but a fatal car accident prevented that meeting. Alex, played by Keanu was dead before he could meet Kate, Sandra's character. Just one wrong reckless move, and the 2 of them would have been separated forever. The mind-boggling time travel thing aside, it's about 2 people finding themselves in themselves and then falling in love with each other and realizing just how significant they could be to each other and to everyone else.
I didn't think I would like the film so much. It could be because it's the very first time I was watchin' it and I had no clue to knowing how it would develop and its twists and ending. So it's all fresh and my heart ready to be taken for a spectacular and romantic ride. I was so terrified that Alex would die and they would never be reunited. I was in pain when I watched as Kate tried her hardest to save his life. And I think the tones of their voices have got a lot to do with it. How soft their voices were...
Tara used to write letters for me. I think she did that while I was asleep. She would later place the letters in a bundle and put them in a box. I also found a jacket. It wasn't really the most necessary piece of clothing in a tropical island like Singapore but I kept it anyway in my closet. There will come a day when I know I'll need it. Needless to say, the car accident in the film reminded me of her. In the film, Kate couldn't save that man's life and she was really affected by it. She thought about the life of that man, the people who were waiting for him to come home and how they would never know...and yes, I thought about that too. I never got over that accident. I never got over how incredibly stupid I must have been to let it happened. Maybe that's why I ain't in such a hurry to get a driver's license. A door would close and another one would open. At least that's what everyone says. I don't know if I believe it.
I'm graduating soon. I don't have a sustantial job offer yet. I'm thinking of applying for a job in Adelaide. It would be very scary. I would be on my own. I would have to be an adult. And I have to be strong. Right now, all I've got are words and plans. Nothing concrete yet. And if I've decided to go for it, I would need money so I suppose I would still be working in Singapore for a while more before embarking on my journey. We will see what happens and where I will go.
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
I've tried your every pair of shoes but none of them would have fit
I am unfit to walk this world like you did, with such grace and glory
Am I just so sick that...that I couldn't tell reality from deceit?
Have I forced my eyes shut just so I don't see?
Have I crippled myself so I don't have to seek?
I don't know, I can't tell for sure
I know you're gone, for good.
And I know I have too, long before you said 'all things will be good'
I think I've failed, and all so desperately to satisfy you
I am unfit to walk this world like you did, with such grace and glory
Am I just so sick that...that I couldn't tell reality from deceit?
Have I forced my eyes shut just so I don't see?
Have I crippled myself so I don't have to seek?
I don't know, I can't tell for sure
I know you're gone, for good.
And I know I have too, long before you said 'all things will be good'
I think I've failed, and all so desperately to satisfy you
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
detnuah dna dehcraes ev'I, tsriht detaitasnu ekiL
detnaw ev'I
suonitnoc, denraey ev'I
dednilb ylbirret os neeb evah I dnA
mothaf t'nac I elpoep dna sgniht yB
ereh srehtaew suoegrog yllufrednow eht, seman, slebaL
ylsseltser os gnitser, evol, ereht nwod gniog ti si woH
rednu teef xiS
,demalb eb ot I mA
?tekcar drusba na hcus gnisuac roF
taews dedaeb dloc ni dehcnerd dna enola, deb ni yal oT
?eman cinamreG teews, teews ruoy tuo gnimaercs eb llits oT
...oN ?ereht reve neve uoy erA
lla meht devarc ev'I, ytilaer dna seiromeM
erom dna thgirb si taht lla dehs ev'I
klaw siht no no yrrac dluoc I os tusJ
?og uoy yhw, ksa I naC
?erom ecno tusj, uoy, evah I naC
?esromer dna niap siht, pots I naC
?araT em tnarg uoy dluow, droL"
?hcuot reh, seye reh fo roloc taht dna elims reh, eciov reh em tnarg uoy dluoW
?doolb gnimmirb eht pots uoy dluoW
su nI
"...os esoppus t'nod I...oN
detnaw ev'I
suonitnoc, denraey ev'I
dednilb ylbirret os neeb evah I dnA
mothaf t'nac I elpoep dna sgniht yB
ereh srehtaew suoegrog yllufrednow eht, seman, slebaL
ylsseltser os gnitser, evol, ereht nwod gniog ti si woH
rednu teef xiS
,demalb eb ot I mA
?tekcar drusba na hcus gnisuac roF
taews dedaeb dloc ni dehcnerd dna enola, deb ni yal oT
?eman cinamreG teews, teews ruoy tuo gnimaercs eb llits oT
...oN ?ereht reve neve uoy erA
lla meht devarc ev'I, ytilaer dna seiromeM
erom dna thgirb si taht lla dehs ev'I
klaw siht no no yrrac dluoc I os tusJ
?og uoy yhw, ksa I naC
?erom ecno tusj, uoy, evah I naC
?esromer dna niap siht, pots I naC
?araT em tnarg uoy dluow, droL"
?hcuot reh, seye reh fo roloc taht dna elims reh, eciov reh em tnarg uoy dluoW
?doolb gnimmirb eht pots uoy dluoW
su nI
"...os esoppus t'nod I...oN
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