"If I must go,
Now would be good time
For no one would have to grieve too long
Have I made an impact?
On a stranger who wouldn't have known me otherwise
Have I made someone's day?
With sincerity and words I said
I wish I'm gone
Really, just ashes and dust
Just a distant memory and perhaps
Of someone else's blurry watercolor paint
I wish I'm already part of the stars
That I am insignificant and humble
Yet still full of crap and babble
There would be another me, I'm sure but one less like me I hope
Don't wanna hurt anymore like I can't be hurt no more
Everything should be quieter now like bubbles on water, as when the sun sets
I shall cease to be heard though the air around my grave hardly stale
I pray I die in love as would my lover
And those who had known and learnt of me."

I watched this lesbian film probably made last century a few couple of days ago. It's about an investigation surrounding this young girl who wrote and shared her poems and so full of love and death and sort of almost despair but really sexually-charged. Her parents knew shit about her and then she went missing and was later found dead and buried under probably the basement of her very own home where you pretty much see parents walking around, and worrying and later mourning and grieving. She wasn't gay; it was the detective or rather the private investigator who's gay and who fucked the girl's lecturer who in turn was actually married to this lawyer guy whom I think killed the girl. Anyway, it was a bad film. And I thought they were supposed to be talking in English? Well, I don't know.

Anyway, after watching the film, I thought I could maybe try to write something too...and I can't decide on a title, if one should ever be needed. Nothing as good probably but what the hell!

"When you left that day
I remembered I counted each and every step
Those steps that took you further away
Away from this world, from the very one who loves
The clothes he stained he will pay
That last thought in your head could never stray
As fresh and fast your blood would spread
When you're gone
It was the end.

I always needed time on my own
Just never figured I needed you more
When I cried, When I lost what's bright
When I can no longer tell what's wrong from right
What's color from black and white
What's the diff' between being dead or alive.

I miss those times
The color of your eyes
The moments you wouldn't let me say goodbye
I miss you so much I can't fill this gaping hole
So fucking much I can't hurt no more
There is only so much I can take
There is only this much life is fair.

We were supposed to belong, and stay together
To fit like 2 perfect puzzle pieces
Just as the sea's always filled with water
Just as the night sky never fails to glitter
"It was only an accident", he said, after he took you away without ever knowing your face
Without trying to learn your last name
I wish I could be like him
To forget you were the only reason I was ever sane
I prayed I've not memorized his face
For only yours should remain this fresh.

I've always dreamt of you coming back
Hearing you say 'I love you' back
Over and over again and not just in my head
Knowing you would never take it back
Yet each time I wake, silence is all I'll ever get
And then...
I forgot to forget..."

This, on the other hand was inspired by the fact I couldn't find the next perfect personal message for my MSN Messenger and I remembered I can't quite remember things so...and it almost felt like a song but I don't know...tell me what you think...


Avril Lavigne - When You're Gone
Girls Aloud - Whole Lotta History
Goo Goo Dolls - Iris