i've been alive for some odd 26 years and I'd like to think that I know me and
on some levels, like me enough to stay me. I don't have me figured out yet, that much I'm sure of.
I go to sleep, I dream and I think that's the only thing that is real to me.
Maybe that's why I can't sleep well because when I am asleep, I am not really.
And when I am forced to wake up, I am yearning only for my bed, for the night to come and the routine begins. And then 3 months ago, I met you and I think you're a dream that has somehow collided with my warped reality.
And then I can't stop wondering if I have successfully melded reality with my dreams
I see you when it's light out
I see you when the stars come out
I could touch you, feel you, hear you and watch/study you and discover you
I could actually hold you and kiss you like I wanted to 3 years ago
In that case, you must be real then and I am not hallucinating
I am not ill and living in my own world
Sometimes I think about you leaving me
There is this image in my head that I can't erase. It haunts me.
In my head, I see that you are walking away from me, with tear-stained eyes
It was in daylight
It was on familiar streets
The scene played out in my head repeatedly like a broken cassette tape
I tried to turn it off
I tried to turn it into something good
so it can teach me to love you, for however long, maybe for as long as time goes
And it makes me want to love you even more, cherish you like it's the last time
Time is precious, my dear and I don't think we've got much to spare
I don't wanna wake up the next day and regretting not telling you how much I do love you
I will not make that mistake
When you go to sleep with me, next to me, I propped my head up on my elbow
sometimes to look at you
it makes you uncomfortable and so you would turn away from me
I can't help it
I can't help it if I just wanna run my fingers through your hair and trace your lips
I can't help it if I just wanna pull you close and weave my fingers with yours
I can't help it if I just wanna snuggle up to you so you could listen to my heart beat
I can't help it if I start to doubt myself and wonder if you were really lying next to me in my bed.
I can't help it if I can't bear to go to sleep, for fear I would wake up alone, empty and cold.
You must excuse me.
And forgive me for I must have misplaced all my crucial faculties
I wanna live life to the fullest, even if it meant it's gonna hurt worse
I don't care
I am happy now. I am contented. That's all that matters to me right now. Your happiness.
So just be.
Happiness is not rocket science
People just are happy or they are not or they are caught in between or they simply can't feel
So just be with me.
And feel. breathe. bask in the little moments with me.
So someday, when you look back on your life, you can be sure that you have been thoroughly loved and was happy, even for a short while.
I love you.
I really do.
And I think it's something you need to hear.
Till the next time I kiss you, my love.
